Aum Shinrikyo

Aum Shinrikyo is a modern Japanese group that teaches a mostly Bhuddism based set of idea. In addition to buddhist texts, The Aum Shinrikyo also revere teachings from several other traditions including Kabbalah, Taoism, and Hinduism, as well as Tibetan buddhism. The charismatic leader of the group, until late in its existance, as a man named Shoko Asahara. He taught that the details of a religion were less important than 'true principles' which were present to certain degrees in many religions. He beleived that a religion should be tailored closely to the people involved, and incorporated many pop culture media like superhero movies and comics, even Azimov's foundation series was incorporated. In this way, the true principles would be more easily imparted. The group used a system of exams testing measurable acheivement in various spiritual disciplines to advance towards the goal of Final Realization. Members joined ministries of health, education, intelligence ect, to coordinate with other members with similar skills for the benefit of the group.

This organization received a lot of attention and its membership worldwide in 1994 may have been as great as 40,000. Hewever, the Aum Shinrikyo was even at this time manufacturing sarin gas, buying weapons, kidnapping and assasinating detractors. In 1995, the group deployed sarin gas in a coordinated attack on the Tokyo subway. This was possibly as a distraction from a scheduled police raid of an Aum Shinrikyo facility. If it was meant to keep eyes off their activities (which also included manufacture of methamphetamine and LSD, it failed, as the Aum Shinrikyo were thouraly investigated and many high ranking members were sentenced to death. Since then, the group has dwindled, but still exists in a somewhat different organization and teaching. Some people consider it to be a doomsday cult, but the actions taken by the Aum Shinrikyo in the nineties did not tie into their esoteric teachings. Noone knows why this seemingly innofensive take on multiple spiritual traditions took their violent turn.

What to Think, Wear.

The Aum Shinrikyo start practical, get methodical, and end in an irrational paranoid rage. Look for the value in widely disparate teachings. Do your homework, nothing can replace elbow grease and personal experience with metaphysical principles. And if people look at you funny, consider the possibilities for their ultimate downfall, and maybe don't be so concerned with consequences.

This cult was at one time known as 'the religion of the elite", so put on a nice suit and make sure your hair is clean and profesionally styled. Dress for success, think discipline, and look 'em straight in the eye.

HISTORY:

The Rajneeshees are followers of Bagwan Shree Rajneesh, a self-styled guru originally from India. Born Chandra Mohan Jain, he began teaching a combination of Eastern philosphy and free love in Mumbai, and eventually founded an ashram in Pune. By 1981, a combination of deteriorating health and pressure from the Indian government,drove Rajneesh and his followers to relocated their main ashram to a ranch in Wasco County, Oregon. Rajneesh renamed the growing commune "Rajneeshpuram." Unlike most of the cult gleanings of that time and place, many Rajneeshees were educated middle-class professionals. This allowed Rajneesh a ready source of income that allowed Rashneeshpuram to expand rapidly. (It also allowed Rajneesh to purchase a fleet of Rolls-Royces for his personal use; at it's largest, his collection numbered 93 cars.) The commune grew to house several thousand permanent residents, with tent accomodations for up to 30,000 visitors. Rajneeshpuram eventually had its own airstrip, bus service, indepent power supply and police force. This latter aspect of Rajneeshpuram began to make Oregon authorities uneasy, as the police force was permitted to access law enforcement databases. Further, the Rajneeshees began to through their weight around politically, effectively taking over the town council of nearby Antelope, Oregon.

By the early 80's, Rajneesh has withdrawn from public appearances,
ceding much of his power to second-in-command Ma Anand Sheela. The
group's ministry now started focusing on Rajneesh's more apocalyptic teachings. Sheela and the high cabal of the cult began to be increasingly paranoid, and started making plans to eliminate their "enemies" and seize power on a county-wide level. In an effort to incapicitate voters, the Rajneeshees contaminated the salad bars of a number of restaurants in The Dalles, Oregon, which sickened 750 with salmonella poisoning - the first large-scale bioterrorist attack in the United States. In 1985, a joint task force of the Oregon State Police and the FBI swooped down on Rajneeshpuram. Rajneesh was arrested in North Carolina while attempting to flee to Bermuda in a Learjet. He and several others, including Sheela, were indicted on 35 counts of general nastiness and mayhem. Rajneesh claimed that most of the nastiness was undertaken without his knowledge or consent, and he eventually received 5 years probation and was subsequently deported. Sheela and another of his lieutenants served 29 months in federal prison. Rajneesh returned to his ashram in Pune and died of heart failure in 1990.

WHAT TO DO:

Quit your job and pick radishes in a commune. Cash in your 401K and put it towards a luxury car for your leader. Get involved in local politics. Flick boogers into the egg salad at the Denny's salad bar.

People’s Temple
Enjoy cutting ties from all friends and family members and escape to Guyana and handing over the contents of your savings account. Hob knob with the likes of Rosalyn Carter, Governor Jerry Brown, and other influential politicians. Ignore those media reports of blatant abuse and totalitarian fascism from defectors; Reverend Jim Jones’ own personal brand of Apostolic Socialism welcomes all the underdogs. Be enlightened in Atheism through the Church. If you're born in capitalist America, racist America, fascist America, then you're born in sin. But if you're born in socialism, you're not born in sin.
What to think: The United States is a racist regime. Religion is an opiate of the people. Mass murder and suicide will lead you to salvation.
What to wear: No dress code, but do bring plenty of Kool Aide.

HEAVEN’S GATE
HISTORY:
Heaven’s Gate was founded in 1975 by Marshall Applewhite and Bonnie Lu Nettles, a/k/a “Bo” and “Peep.” Initially called the Human Individual Metamorphosis or HIM, the group preached that the Earth was about to be “recycled,” and that they needed to leave immediately to avoid being “spaded under.” In order to do so, Bo and Peep said, people needed to undergo spiritual purification and an ascetic lifestyle to prepare the body and mind for departure. Bo and Peep claimed that those who had changed would eventually be killed, but after their bodies had lain in the streets for three and a half days, they would get up and walk around; a testament to their transfiguration. Their first public meeting was in Waldport, Oregon, and they came away with 20 new converts. Later that year, Bo and Peep predicted a date for a flying saucer rendezvous, and their followers gathered at a campground to await their interstellar taxi. When it failed to appear, Applewhite admitted he was mistaken and invited his disillusioned followers to leave if they wanted to. Surprisingly, a large number opted to hang on, many having severed ties to their former lives upon joining. Bo and Peep instructed the remaining members to cut their hair short, wear androgynous clothing and begin a strict training regimen of training, so as to become like “sexless angels.” To this end, some of the male members voluntarily underwent castration. A blow to the group came in 1985, when Nettles died of cancer. She did not get up and walk around after three and a half days, but Applewhite continued pushing the group’s message. Excitement mounted with the approach of the Hale-Bopp comet (or the Hail “Bob” comet) in 1996. The group believed that the comet was being tailed by a flying saucer that would take the Heaven’s Gate group away. The time had come for Heaven’s Gate to join the saucer brethren, and on March 21, 1997 the group “beamed themselves up.” After a pot-pie dinner at Marie Callender’s the group donned identical uniforms with “Heaven’s Gate Away Team” armbands (no, seriously), and began committing suicide in shifts in a rented mansion outside of San Diego. The group members consumed vodka and applesauce laced with barbiturates, and then cinched plastic bags around their heads. The police discovered the bodies of Applewhite and 38 other members, and there were several copycat suicides by other members in the days following. They did not get up and walk around after three and a half days.

WHAT TO DO:
If you’re a guy, lop your nuts off. If you’re not a guy, lop someone else’s nuts off (metaphorically). Wear loose-fitting black jumpsuits and cut your hair in an unsexy style (we recommend the Shemp Howard ‘do). Buy a pair of Nikes. Be sure to have a five dollar bill and three quarters on your person whenever you go out. Eat applesauce.

BRANCH DAVIDIANS
HISTORY:
The Branch Davidian sect of flamin’ Waco fame is an offshoot of an offshoot of an offshoot of the Seventh Day Adventist Church. In 1929, a Bulgarian immigrant named Victor Bouteff claimed he had a new message for the Seventh Day Adventists, which he published in a book called The Shepherd’s Rod. He was excommunicated, and went on to form the Davidian Seventh Day Adventists – the term “Davidian” referring to the desired re-establishment of the Davidic kingdom. Upon Bouteff’s death in 1955, a group led by Benjamin Roden split off, calling itself the Branch Davidian Seventh Day Adventists, and established a settlement near Waco, Texas. At a general meeting of this group in 1984, several more splinter groups formed, one of which was led by Vernon Wayne Howell. He called his group the Davidian Branch Davidian Seventh-Day Adventists. No, seriously. Howell changed his name to David Koresh, and by 1988 was able to gain control of the compound in Waco as support for the other splinter groups had dwindled. In fairly short order, Koresh claimed that he was to procreate with all of the women in the group in order to establish a “House of David.” Saying that he was entitled to 140 wives, he eventually fathered 14 children with various “wives.” In 1993, the Waco Herald-Tribune ran an article on the group, which claimed – among other things – systematic child abuse and stockpiling illegal weapons. This attracted the attention of The Man. The BATF mounted a raid on the Waco compound on February 28, 1993, resulting in the death of 6 Davidians and 4 BATF agents in a firefight. The FBI began a 51-day siege, which ended when a fire (or fires) broke out in the compound, killing 76 Davidians, 21 of whom were children. The government agents were accused of starting the fires with pyrotechnic tear gas grenades, but were later cleared by an Official Government Investigation.

WHAT TO DO:
Join a wacky Adventist group and form a splinter group as soon as possible. Learn to play guitar, think of yourself as God, and try to screw anything that moves. (“Sounds like every one of my friends in Austin,” said Bill Hicks.) Be sure to be nice to Federal agents, and keep your compound clear of flammable materials.

Manson Family

Charles Manson and his family of young lovelies were the epitome of free loving 60's hippie commune life. Charismatic Charlie can talk the devil out of his soul. Join the Manson Family and you can enjoy doomsday revelations of racial rebellion against African Americans. In order to facilitate said rebellion, you and your fellow Family members will storm the homes of prominent white California families, brutally stab them, and scrawl messages in blood. "Helter Skelter." " Death to pigs." For a little extra fun, you can track down a pregnant starlet and cut her unborn child from the womb. The authorities will obviously blame such heinous acts on those evil African Americans who will bring about the End Times. Family members offer up total control to Charlie Manson as their incarnation of and representative of God's Word. After dropping some acid and jamming to Beatles tunes, you can enjoy an orgy in which Charlie will himself will join in.

What to think: African Amerincans are evil and will bring about the End Times. A love of LSD, free love, racial hate crimes, and the Beatles. Charlie Manson is an incarnation of God.

What to wear: Love beads, Birkenstocks, daisies, a swastika carved on your forehead

Background of Synanon

Synanon was initially a drug rehab program founded by Charles Dedrich Sr. In the 1960’s it became an alternative community focused on a self-examined life and group truth telling sessions known as the “Synanon Game”. Synanon became a cult in the 1970’s. The founder of Synanon believed that no one could ever recover from addiction and so said that no one could ever graduate from his program. Synanon eventually bought a hotel and converted it into a
live-in compound with schools for children. Members were expected to hand over their assets to Synanon, and were told who they could marry and if they were allowed to have children.

Synanon was eventually disbanded when authorities questioned the lifetime therapy, as well as the child abuse that occurred, and when criminal behavior including beating and attempted murder had been performed.

What to think

You must be willing to play the Synanon game and agree to life time therapy. You will never be cured of your addictions. You must give us your assets. You
must marry who we tell you to marry and we will decide if you are fertile or sterile. You will expose your innermost weaknesses to all of us so that we can tell you how to overcome them. If you choose to leave Synanon, we will come
for you and punish you until you rejoin us. You can never leave synanon because synanon is the only way to handle your addiction.

What to Wear

Shaved heads
Vasectomies
Normal clothing otherwise

Oooh oooh oooh! Can I help!? I can't make the work party, but I can write!